Hi there, come on into my office. I’m Ed, your 1970s DC Comics Career Counsellor. I know it’s a tough ol’ world out there and you’re anxious to land yourself a nice, cushy job. Well, I’m here to advise you on the opportunities that exists and the pitfalls you ought to avoid. I see you’ve filled out the questionnaire, and I understand you’re willing to relocate. Good, good, that kind of flexibility will no doubt be key to landing a new job in this economy.
Now, let me check my handy Catalog O’ Jobs. I know, I know… it looks like a copy of The Brave & the Bold #141, a comic book published in 1978 by DC Comics, but don’t worry, that’s not the case. I mean, hey, if it were, I’d have to be crazy… and I mean Arkham Asyklum crazy.
Now, speaking of Arkham Asylum, it’s good that you’re willing to relocate, because some job openings recently came up in Gotham City.
First, we’ve got more of an self-employment opportunity. There’s this little Gotham hardware store that’s looking for a new owner/manager.
Not interested in being your own boss? No problem. I’ve got another listing here for a… “hard-working businessman”? That’s rather non-specific. Still, I hear it’s a booming job sector.
Hey now, don’t get discouraged. I know, this stuff really isn’t the sort of stuff you’re used to doing, but anyone can reinvent himself or herself. Take this one client of mine, Dinah Lance. She was a… what was it? A florist, I think, or martial-arts instructor, but she was able to completely reinvent herself as — get this — a fashion designer. And with no apparent training or background in fashion whatsoever!
Anyone can find a new line of work, even bad guys! I knew this one pasty-faced fella, a real nut. He used to be a failed comedian, then a crook, then a killer. But you know what else? He was quite the loan shark for a time.
Anyhoo, back to your job search. Now, I happen to know that billionaire Bruce Wayne is in the market for a savvy stockbroker.
That Wayne guy has plenty of cash, and that means he’s always hiring. In fact, I heard he might be looking for a new butler pretty soon…
Oops, just a text from the wife. I gotta go pick up the kids, so I’m afraid we’ll have to cut this career-counselling session short today. Oh, and on a completely unrelated note…
Alfred Pennyworth has the Joker’s blood coursing through his veins.
(Thank you Bob Haney and Jim Aparo.)
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